Step Six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Defects? What defects? I can no longer ask these questions if I have done Steps Four and Five in a timely manner; Step four at once, Step Five at first opportunity. . . . and Step Six is THEN, not later. My sponsor had my defects laid out right in front of me in black and white. No escape!
But that was a long time ago. What about now? Is it necessary to keep the spirit of Step Six 'willingness' alive, and ready for action? Please read on:
It seems as though I am becoming more sensitive to my surroundings with each passing year; what used to be meaningless noise, now attacks my peace of mind, e.g.: A young girl shared with such a filthy mouth at Saturday night's meeting that I felt as though I had been poisoned (not my body, but my mind and spirit). Arriving home the TV and reading offered no relief. Neither did my prayers and a good night's sleep. The venomous effect did, however, disappear at Mass this morning. Now, that girl's words are not what bothers me, but the emotions of fear, anger, spite, hatefulness, and all the rest of those ghastly and awful emotions that lie surreptitiously submerged causing such expressions to erupt and blurt out. The poor lost girl probably found some sick relief in her stupid tirade.
Of course, sympathy, rather than anger, should be my appropriate emotion and I didn't allow my 'angry old self' to reach the level of consciousness. My 'old self' knows all about fear, anger, spite, hatefulness, and all the rest of it and it wants to take over its old leadership. So, I can easily see the disturbance is the battle between my old false self and my new true self, or as Bill Wilson would term it, "Great Reality deep within." I sometimes term it as my GOD SELF.
So such battles are good, so long as I win. I believe each such win brings me closer to God's Will. Yet, My old 'self will' lies forever lurking, ever wanting its crown back. I must forever keep the humility and willingness spirit of Step Six alive and well. I must remain willing each and every day to allow God remove all my defects of character.